In a gloomy room, with snow falling outside.
Do you want to go out?
[[stay at here]]
[[go out]]
[[go to another room]]It's so cold, all is white, makes you feel void free and lonely.
[[get back to room]]
[[Keep moving forward]]It was snowing heavily, in the only wooden house in the empty forest. He was sitting at the table. Next to the table was a bed. Behind the table was a weak fire. On the fire was boiling tea. The cat was at the back right. Rolling, feeling warm, and fearful, the worry of the house being trapped by heavy snow at any time, the fear of strangers breaking in, the loneliness that the cat will die sooner or later, the worry of getting old, and the fear of the future. I want to end my life now, I don't want to be in touch with the outside world, I don't want to express the traces of my thinking in words, I don't want to leave a mark of my life, I just want to leave. The sense of security not being watched watched the soul draw away to a distant time and space. When he came back again, his body would definitely make him nauseous, as did the people around him. He never chose me, I was a rejected body.
[[bodyyyy]]Here is a dark room, you can't find the wall and the road to get away of this dumb place.
[[The darkness of another world]][[go to another room]]Cold air through the clothes into the body, shivering, rubbing hands, legs instinctively jumping back and forth, can not keep the body warm, feel the body become stiff slowly.
The isolation at school, the feeling of worthlessness at work, and the blame at home are connected with the fear now. "What are you doing? You're not doing this right. How can you be such a child? "In the darkness, all I wanted to do was hold myself tight and cry.
Why can others? I can't? There are too many things I can't understand. Why am I bipolar? Why don't I have love? Why is no one close to me? Am I a porcupine? Why can't I create expression? And I don't know how to make myself happy.
[[I know you]]
[[What's your life]]Bare bladder, straight back, dressing style more free, more thick sound, more muscle, less emotion, more desire to conquer, keep bread.
"Why do you keep your hair short? Are you a lesbian t? You should grow your hair long? Why do you dress like a boy? I'm sorry, I thought you were a guy, but I didn't know until I heard you talk that it was a girl."The lack of love in the past, the sense of scarcity that never dissolves, whenever there is a setback, it becomes a sufferer, immersed in a painful sense of security, endless self-consumption. After the consumption instinctively strong sense of being approved, looking for praise. Once the outside world meets expectations, the dramatic "performance" of the fantasy begins again. When the outside world is unexpected, suddenly realize that they are just immersed in a numb feeling, and feel the emptiness. In the performance, one may be a sufferer, one may have an inflated ego, one may be so selfless as to sacrifice oneself, ultimately to satisfy one's fantasy. When unable to perform in reality or disgusted with reality, it begins to wander out of the body again. Whether jealousy, pride, all in the brain with fantasy glorification of reality tends to their own world.Eating quetiapine, working out, painting, playing games, looking at new tools, watching cs60b, everything doesn't cheer me up.:<